I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
