Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
