Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
