Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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