I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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