it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
