I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
