I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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