there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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