is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
