Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
