I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
