I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
