i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
