You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
