Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
