It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
