idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
