like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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