A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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