I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
