Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
