So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
