No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
