Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
