home. puking in laundry basket.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
