I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
