Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
