Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
