I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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