I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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