Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
