walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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