Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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