I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize