Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Randomize
