how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
