I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
