i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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