Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
