im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize