if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
