let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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