i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
it was like eating out sand paper
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
