It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
