I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
