Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
