After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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