those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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