Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
