I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
