I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
