he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
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