What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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