a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
