Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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