No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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