Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
