1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
