so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
