i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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