glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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