This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There r osticjed everywhere
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
