My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
