Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
