No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
