her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
