I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
