i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Let's paint friendship bongs
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
