I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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