my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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