Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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