Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
