White coat. Heels.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
